Chapter 9: Bella
Once again, I was hiding out in my room. I could hear music coming from upstairs, from Edward's room. Radiohead... He must be listening to one of the CD's I gave to him. Part of me wanted to join him, but I felt nervous and awkward after last night. I wish I knew how he felt about me. I knew that I was beyond attracted to him physically, but there was something else, something so much more that I couldn't explain. When I looked into his eyes last night, I felt like I was looking into his soul, and I let him look into mine. It was the most intense thing I have ever experienced.
I could hear Alice outside the door.
"Come in," I called out.
My door opened and she walked in hand in hand with Jasper, giving me a confused look.
"I am going to have to teach you a thing or two about fashion Bella. I'll be in the closet."
She rushed over and came out a few seconds later and handed me a navy blue sweater and a pair of black jeans.
"Blue is Edward's favorite color and it is going to look really good on you," she said, then she sat on the bed. Jasper sat next to her.
"Well, don't just sit there! Go! Change! Edward is right upstairs and he is listening to Radiohead. Your favorite..."
I hesitated. I couldn't do it. I felt like a coward, like a scared little girl freaking out over a crush.
" Jasper teased, smiling at me. "Do you need a little extra confidence? I could throw some your way."
I laughed. "No thanks. No manipulation today."
I walked to the bed and sat down. I looked down at the clothes in my hand.
Alice put her arm around me. "Tell her Jazz."
"Bella, go to him," he said softly. "I can feel what you are feeling and I can assure you that he feels the same. You two are being silly by avoiding each other."
Alice gave me a reassuring squeeze. The music poured through the walls and put at ease with the melody. He felt the same? I was relieved, yet still nervous. My fingers itched to touch him again, his scent lingered in the room but I wanted more, it wasn't enough and there was only one to get it, to go to him.
Jumping off the bed, I changed in the closet. The outfit was simple and form fitting. I really did like it. I stepped out and started walking toward the door. Alice looked so excited.
I walked slowly up to his room on the third floor, finding the door open. I could see him sitting in a chair looking out the window, admiring the beautiful view. I stood in the doorway and waited for him to turn to me. He didn't.
"This is a wonderful album," he said still facing the window.
He slowly turned and got up from his chair.
"Thank you for the music. I love it. I'm not one for modern music, but this is really good." He was still holding the CD case in his hand. "This music is so intricate, so interesting..."
"They are amazing. Mind if I come in?"
"Sorry, yes, of course. Please, come in." He motioned to the couch.
I sat down and he sat next to me, both of us silent until the song ended. I put my head back and closed my eyes as next song began.
"Bella?" I turned my head to look at him. He was leaning toward me. So close but not touching. I could feel his breath on my face. "I wanted to thank you for last night, for letting me in. It really means a lot to me." As he spoke, he placed his hand over mine, just as he did during our piano lesson. His fingers ghosted over the top of my hand. I turned my hand over and his thumb ran across my palm, my wrist, then my forearm. I felt as though I was radiating. I could feel my shield begin to expand and mold itself around him. He turned to look at me. His thoughts spoke to me.
Please kiss me
I brought my hand to his face and pulled it to mine.
Feels so good...
It started softly. His hands drifted to my waist and a shiver ran through me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me closer.
Feels so right...
His lips drifted away from mine and he squeezed me. I refused to focus on what I was thinking. I knew he could hear my thoughts. I wanted him to hear whatever was floating around in my head, to hear me, the unedited Bella. His lips moved desperately over my neck and shoulders. I put my hands on the collar of his shirt and pushed him back onto the couch. I leaned my head against his chest and put my arms around him. I wanted nothing more than to be close to him. Nothing else mattered in this moment. I felt a sense of comfort that I had never felt in this existence. I had come to think this new life was my own personal hell, until my eyes met Edward's that day in the forest. I had tried to hide myself away and I had hoped that the guilt and disgust I was feeling would help me destroy myself. When Alice approached me, I wanted to run or to fight her, but when Edward grabbed my wrist, something inside me shifted. I felt an emotion that I did not recognize. It is the same feeling that corsed through me during our piano lesson and last night in the river, and just now when he touched me. This emotion couldn't be given a name. It was warmth, relief, a calm, a lust, a want, a need... It was all consuming and all Edward. I could not let go of him, not that I wanted to.
My shield was charged as it ran over the both of us, circling us in an unseen bubble. I hadn't even tried to extend it.
He pulled away from me carefully. "You didn't try?" He asked.
I hesitated. "Every time you touch me, my shield... It is almost reaches for you. It just happens. I have no control over it."
He kissed my forehead. "It is not only your thoughts. It's like a warmth encompassing me, pulling me to you." Edward said and the lightly kissed my cheek. "I want you to know that I have never felt anything like this. I can't stop touching you. I want to be close to you. I can't stop thinking about you."
His hands drifted up and down my back, settling in my hair as he draws in a long inhale. "You smell so good."
My mouth trailed kisses from his ear to his neck and then his lips, soft chaste kisses that begged to be deepened. I wanted to taste him.
"Open your eyes," he whispered. "Look at me."
He put his hand on my chin and guided my head away from his.
I opened my eyes slowly and looked at see a smile on his face.
"I may have to start calling you my golden eyed angel," he said with a slight chuckle.
I could see myself in his thoughts. The black had been replaced with a dull butterscotch color. I looked like a Cullen.
His smile widened. "Yes, you do."
Edward and I spent the entire night and morning laying on his couch, listening to music, talking, holding each other and kissing, always kissing. I told him about my hunt with Carlisle and Esme and about how I wanted to test my gift. We spent the early morning hours trying a few diffrent things. We discovered that I could reign in the shield while he was touching me, but it took all of my concentration. As many times as we tried, I would always end up giving in and let my shield engulf him. He would touch my arm innocently and I would be able to maintain. Then he would to kiss me and I could hold onto it, but when the kissed became intense, I couldn't help myself from letting go. My shield was no match for Edward. It crumbled with his touch.
We lay together watching the sun come up. We had been silent for the last hour. I didn't feel the need to speak out loud. That was when I heard her voice. It was Alice. Her voice was as clear as a bell.
Edward! We are leaving in thirty minutes.
I jumped up.
"What? What it is Bella?" He asked looking concerned.
"I heard her. Alice... I heard her through you..." I was stunned. Edward looked just as confused.
"It seems we have a lot to learn about your gift." He put his arms around me and said, "Listen..."
Within seconds, I heard a light buzz. The buzz started to take focus and I could hear Emmett's voice. He was stewing about losing a hundred bucks to Jasper when they played House of the Dead. He wanted a rematch; double or nothing. Then the focus changed. I could hear Esme, she was humming a song. I stepped back, Edward was looking at me intently.
"Well?" He asked.
"I heard it. All of it."