literature

Pas de Deux

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prettyflour's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

As you stepped to me,
it was not only my body you lifted,
but my soul as well.

Moved together
Told a story
A book could never tell.

Flowers passed from you to me,
And we stepped into the light.

A gentle smile,
A humble bow,
On stage we own the night.
This was one of the first poems I had published.

Dance Spirit Magazine published this piece and I was stunned, happy, dancing alone but so freaking jazzed.

Good times.
© 2012 - 2024 prettyflour
Comments16
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TheArtistOfWords's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

I really, really, REALLY enjoyed this piece. So, this is going to be excruciating to find things that can make it better. So, when I'm done, ignore every word I've typed if you want to, because I honestly think changing this too much will ruin it. This is a very fragile poem; even a bit of change can shift it to mean something different, sound different, look different, and then it's no longer a piece I am raving about, but something new, something like a mutant, and I know I won't enjoy it nearly as much. Usually, I do what I think could do fixing by category of rating, but this, as I said, is fragile, and there's not much to do with actual critique.

I do think that if it ends with them being in a play, being actors, central it more on that. I thought this was a love story and it threw me through quite a loop when I finished it. I'm not sure if other's did too, but a few word changes can keep the poem as wonderful as it is, and still make it a tad clearer. Thank you for reading, and I really do love this piece.