literature

Reborn

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prettyflour's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

I am deliriously happy
in my realistic wholesome dream
I lay in fields of poppies
and talk with the forget-me nots

Little Secrets whispered back and forth,
told me what your father did
and I giggled,
but was horrified inside by the thought...

but can you hold the tulip's hand
when she is feeling down?

Mother says it is too late
even for the sun.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


All stand for the precious rose
beauty in such silence.

Oh glorious rose,
teach me your poise,
vivid colors and such

You are of the utmost elegance
and I bow to you.

Green hand-like stems
so fragile run through my coarse hair
and I am filled with a nervous anticipation.

As the chrysanthemums sing
I am lost in their harmony,
swept away in baby's breath
and put to rest in a bed of ferns.

and now...

Here I lay

I watch

I guard

for hours upon hours
turned to days without end

But it is not these wings I want

If only I could live again

Eyelids closed

Engaged in strength

Nothingness

Sightless

Life into past tense

Ice cold, taste of dirt so dry
I can not breathe
yet I can taste the air

Blossoming from the earth
and drinking from a pool of rain
of which I share with the trees

I feel my soft petals
like a crown upon my head.

In my life time as a mortal
I was touched by a soul.

That of which is mine now,
My one solemn wish has been granted
I have been reborn
A rose
Reborn was a poem I wrote many years ago.


I yearn to know what you think of it. Please leave a comment or feedback. Good or bad, I would appreciate any opinions.

Could you see where I was going with this before reading the last stanza?

Did I give too much away? or not enough?

Is this total crap?

Is this a nice representation of a true rebirth?


Let me know!


:)

Proudly Featured here:   Pure Excellence (1)A feature showcasing some of the fantastic literature pieces I've read over the past week or two. :la: The folder where these Deviations are located can be found on both my main page and this link here.
like catching supernovas in a plastic cup by counting-vertebraeA Photographic Dream by ReiReiSerenade
Snow in rain when coming back from fencing by AyeAye12For Science by saltwaterlungscualacino by SpiralingSpontaneityStill Still (YouTube Link Included) by BloodshotInk
Featured as DD:
to be a waste of grey matter with no self-esteem by counting-vertebraeFalling Into Starlight by C-A-Harland
Individual Deviant features:
counting-vertebrae
i am no god-made man by counting-vertebraeconfess, like there's blood pouring out your mouth by counting-vertebraei'm a paradigm of self-destruction by counting-vertebrae
therianlight 
Writer's Block by therianlightGod by therianlightLust by therianlight
AyeAye12 
Poetry Feature VIIIHello and welcome to my Poetry Feature VIII

Thank you all for viewing, hope you find a few to favorite on, comment on and maybe even a few new artists to watch.


Enjoy!










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May 13th 2016 (Justice) by ShihSnTz
May 12th 2016 (PAIN and GUILT) by ShihSnTz
Comes Back Around by ShihSnTz
Honey by unicodragon
Restart by unicodragon
© 2010 - 2024 prettyflour
Comments32
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sammyxfreak's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

It was a great poem. it had many metaphors that were perfectly vivid. it did describe the topic "REBIRTH", but at the same time tell a story with sadness, youth, and redemption. it like the formatting of it, especially where it went .
.
. (esc)
The over all flow was pretty good too. again, I absolutely LOVED the metaphors. they were brilliant. Diction and vocabulary was also very nice. Most writers on here (including myself) don't use strong enough words in their poetry. I rarely see someone go through and put in better, more sophisticated words in their writings before publishing it. it showed that you put a lot of effort and hard work into this piece, and it definitely paid off.