"Why are you doing this to me?"
Edward's expression bordered on disgust. His words circled over and over in Bella's mind.
Why are you doing this to me?
Bella fumed. To him? We are not talking about him. We are talking about me.
Carlisle is saying something, but she is too lost in her own thoughts to pay attention to his words. She look down at her feet and ponders.
Why are you doing this to me?
Her stomach twists and lurches just as it did the day Edward left her. She closed her eyes for a moment and let his words sink in. Even after what happened in Volterra, he is denying her. She looked up slightly as Rosalie leaves the room and Emmett follows her. Alice looks at Edward and sighs before turning to leave. She finally exhales and raises her head to find Jasper staring at her. His body tenses and his mouth parts slightly but he says nothing. She hastily look back down at the shiny hard wood floor beneath her feet, again.
Why are you doing this to me?
She can not fathom how spending the remainder of his existence with her by his side could evoke such a response from him. Why is he fighting this? Why doesn't he want me? How could he dare think that this is about just him?
"Bella, don't..." Jasper whispered.
She turned toward him and Edward's head snapped up, his eyes dart back and forth between the two of them. Of course, Jasper's gift let him feel the pure wretched rejection coursing through her. He shakes his head from side to side. "You're wrong. You don't understand."
Edward is suddenly behind Bella, his arms around her waist gently pulling her back away from Jasper.
"You're right. I don't understand." Her hands grasped Edward's and pushes them away before she walks away from both of them and rushed down the stairs.
"Bella?" Edward asks.
She doesn't answer him. She doesn't look back. Her legs take on a mind of their own and move quickly toward the door.
Edward stands before her, blocking her escape route with his brow furrowed. His fingertips run down her cheek. "What are you doing?"
"I'd like to go home now."
"I'll drive you," he responds.
"No, I'll drive myself." She sighs. They ran here. She doesn't have her truck.
He takes his keys out of his pocket and hands them to her. "I'm sorry if I upset you."
She narrows her eyes, wanting to scream at him or smack some sense into him, but no words come. Even looking all confused and sad, he is the most beautiful thing to ever cross her eyes. He embraced her then, burying his head in her hair inhaling deeply.
"You're scent, it is like a drug to me."
More of Edward's words spark a battle inside her mind. Her scent is his heroin, her blood that he both loves and hates. It has created a wall between them and she want to tear it down. The faint smile on his lips mocks her. Bella pushes him and he backs away, gasping when he sees the tear that is running down her cheek.
"Oh god, did I hurt you?"
She scoffs and stares at him in disbelief. She contemplate if vampires can go insane and then she laughs. She laughs in spite of his horrified expression. She laughs until she has to hold herself up and now Edward is looking at her as though she's gone mad. Maybe she has... This whole situation goes beyond the realm of any sanity she knows. Vampires, werewolves, secret societies and Bella... A puny accident prone human destined to die, whether it be of old age or in a tangle of immortal love, it doesn't matter to her anymore.
Edward steps toward her. "Bella, are you alright?"
She looks up at him. "No, I am not alright. Jesus christ Edward, you didn't hurt me!" She begins to pace in front of him. Her words weren't exactly the truth, He may not have physically hurt her, but his words cut like a knife. She silently curses everything about this situation. How could she be so stupid? So naïve to think that just because he's back that anything had changed. Her insides boiled with unspoken questions and broken promises between them.
She stops, her hands balled into fists, tears streaking her face, she has the urge to hit him. "Do you remember telling me that you are a selfish creature?"
"Well Edward, you are in good company because right now, I am feeling incredibly selfish. Now please get out of my way. I would like to go home by myself."
He steps aside. "I'm sor...
"Shut up." She snaps through gritted teeth.
"What?" He looks shocked. She is pretty shocked too. She have never spoken to him this way. It feels liberating, It feels good to finally tell him what is really going on inside of her head. These two words have opened up a floodgate that she is about to unleash upon him.
"You are not sorry. You are getting what you want. I will stay human, frail and mortal so that you can torture yourself with my scent and carry out your plot to hide me from the Volturri. Go ahead, make yourself sick with worry until I die someday and I'm sure that you will wallow in misery over how you couldn't protect me from death you fucking hypocrite."
His hands are shaky as he opens the door for her. "Is is so wrong that I want you to be happy? To have a normal life?"
"I love you Edward. It's too late for me to have a normal life and incase you haven't figured it out by now I can not be happy unless I have you."
"But you do have me, you always will." He looks away from her.
"I want more. I don't want to pretend that you are my grandson fifty years from now. I'm going to want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you in public. What would be so bad about you and I being together for eternity? Don't you dare spout off crap about eternal damnation or the loss of my soul because I don't believe that."
"You should. It is the truth."
She is so angry that she is laughing again, which is making Edward seethe with anger.
"You can't prove that. I for one do not believe that for a second. I think if you truly had no soul than you wouldn't give a damn about feeding from humans. You wouldn't put forth so much effort to live the way you do and respect human life. You may not be human anymore but you have a soul. I am so tired of how you look at yourself as a soulless monster. If you had no soul, you would have no capacity for love, but you do. I know you do. I can feel it and I can feel you fight it. It sickens me to see the revulsion in your face when we are on the topic of turning me. You say you want me to be happy, but you can't see that this..."
She waves her hand around, flailing in the air between them. "This makes me feel like I have absolutely no say in what will happen MY life." Her hands are in fists by her side and Edward sinks to the ground preparing to beg her for forgiveness. "I don't want normal. I already have normal and if I have to live the rest of my days like this, I will not be happy Edward, ever."
She kneels down in front of him, putting her hands on the tops of his knees and pulling them apart for her to crawl onto him. "I need you to understand that I am not just a love sick teenager. I may be young, but I am not stupid. I have thought about this in great lengths. I want this. I am not Rosalie. I will not hate you or resent you. You would be giving me what I want. I want you to be a selfish bastard and me make yours. I want you to be able to hold me without fear of breaking me."
"I do hold you," he whispers and gently squeezes his arms around me.
"Not like this. To really hold me, to use all of your strength, to kiss me with the passion I know you have, to make love to me. Why do you not want that? How can you love me and not want that?"
No matter how hard she tries, she can not keep the tears from falling. He wipes them away. "I do want that Bella. I want, no, I need you to be sure about this. Once it is done, there is no going back. It will rip you away from Charlie and Renee and everyone else that you love. You say you have given this thought and I believe you, but his kind of decision warrants serious contemplation. At least graduate high school first. Make sure that this is what you want. Right now is too soon. I won't end your life yet and I won't let anyone else. I won't."
She relaxes into him. Her traitorous body is so tired. She doesn't want to move away from his touch. Pulling her legs around him, straddling him, her lips move over his icy neck and soon her kisses give way to licks. He tastes so good. His skin is her favorite taste in the world. He is unmoving as she slowly kisses his jaw and then his lips. Her fingers dance their way into his hair while she mumbles I love you in between kisses. When he reciprocates and kisses her back, she feels a surge of energy and arousal that take hold of her. Her hips grind into his. She can feel his erection under her and it fuels her to push harder and part her lips so that she can taste his skin again. His hands explore her back over her shirt and then he grips her tightly. She prays that he is finding the strength she knows he has and will not end this yet. Please god, not yet. She can feel the sudden tension in his body and he breaks the kiss, but she is not giving up easily, pushing herself against his body, as close as she can possibly get, kissing every part of him that she can get her greedy little lips on. As he starts to pull away, she clutches onto him, holding on for dear life.
"Bella, please..." He rasps. "I can't."
His words are enough to make her freeze in place. He can't... He won't... and she is too physically weak to do anything about it. She pushes herself away from him and stumbles to her feet before rushing out the door, slamming it so hard the the glass shatters on impact. She is so angry that she can feel blood trickling down my face, but it doesn't hurt. It's numb. Pain might actually be welcome to her. The rain is heavy and soaking her clothes. She's moving callously, brushing off stray pieces of glass from her arms and shaking out the pieces in her hair, cutting herself more in the process. As she reaches for the door of his car she see the tiny shards of glass imbedded in the skin of her arm, sparkling in the dim light, the rain creating a glistening red mess.
"Don't go." He says from behind her. Startled, she spins around to face him not knowing that he is so close. He is inches from her, wet from the rain and across his face are droplets of her blood. His isn't breathing. He looks furious. They stare at each other in silence. His tongue creeps out licking off a drop of blood that was on his lip and he looks at her with an expression that should scare her but it does just the opposite.
"Edward, go inside." Carlisle says in a voice that Bella has never heard him use. He sounds angry, void of compassion, but Edward doesn't move. Carlisle is now beside him, his hand braced on Edward's shoulder. "Bella, I think you should go."
There is a distinct growling. Bella's not sure if it is coming from Edward or Carlisle. Everything around her turned into a blur. She had been pushed to the ground, she heard snarling and violent shoves. She turned her head to see Carlisle on top of Edward, struggling to hold him down. "Go Bella. Now!" Carlisle yelled.
Never once stumbling, she ran to the car and got inside, keys, accelerate, tearing away from the house in complete shock over what just happened. Part of her is taking a sick pride in Edward's reaction. She should be mortified, he could have killed her. He looked like he wanted to... He fought with Carlisle, his father, a man who's respect he holds dearly. A realization hit her. What she saw back there wasn't the Edward she knows. What she saw was the very thing that Edward didn't want her to ever see or what he did not want her to become; an instinctual beast who lusts for blood over all else. He wasn't concerned with her soul in the moment that he tasted her blood, he just wanted more.
And yet she wasn't afraid of him. Even when logic was telling her to flee, it took everything she had to drive away. She didn't want to leave Edward and Carlisle like that. If anything, she was afraid that Carlisle might hurt him. She laughs to herself. Someone is always trying to protect her. It's pathetic really. Even now, to think that this vehicle could move fast enough to escape Edward. What a cruel joke.
She tries for distractions, thinking about Renee and school but she can't focus on anything but Edward. Intrigued by the phenomenon of singers, she remembers seeing Edward for the first time, a human look alike, quiet, brooding and bored. But Beautiful, always beautiful. Biology, the clenching of his fists, the anger is his eyes.
"You're scent, it is like a drug to me."
Again she laughs at the irony of her blood being his addiction. The ultimate test of his control. Her life force being the source of all of her problems. It is like blaming the sun for making the earth a little too hot. You can't have it both ways. You either have a thriving earth with a blazing hot sun or you have nothing...
Her perspective has changed but if anything this entire evening put everything into place for her. This changed nothing. If anything she wanted him to change her sooner, solidly her place in his life, damn the consequences. She doesn't want the perfect facade of Edward Cullen. She wants all of him, every flawed and monstrous piece of him. Perhaps she was being selfish, but she wouldn't deny how she felt. Seeing him lick her blood off of his lips had transformed him, temped him, brought out something dangerous in him. But he was aroused too. That didn't escape Bella's attention. She didn't care that it was her blood he lusted after and not her body. Seeing that look of hunger spread across his face and knowing she did that made her feel powerful. She thought that maybe she was sick, a complete whack job for feeling this way, but she did. She was a self proclaimed danger magnet after all.
Everything came to a screeching halt, literally. Something just stopped the car with a enormous force. She looked up to see nothing and the door flies open and is ripped from the hinges disappearing into the night.
Her heart races in anticipation and her twisted mind rejoices as he appears where the door used to be. He looks feral and out of control, clothes torn, his chest exposed and water falling from his hair onto his face. He is the sexiest thing she's ever seen. Her lips curl into a grin and he emits a low growl. His eyes rake over her body as he breathes deeply, taking in the scent of his prey. When he meets her gaze, they are both stunned. There are so many things to be said. She wants to let down every guard, no walls, no secrets and just let him inside of her in every way imaginable. She wishes he could read her mind. She wishes he knew how much she loves him, wants him, every bloody fucking part of him. Her need for him trumps all. She loves him. She could never fear him.
He laughs and leans into the door. "Don't lie to yourself. You are afraid. I can smell the adrenaline pouring off of you."
She cocks her head to the side. "That's not fear Edward. That is excitement. You know my heart races every time I see you. Admit it, you can smell my arousal too."
In a flash he's pushing himself on top of her, lowering the seat and hovering over her, his finger lightly tracing a pattern over her neck.
"You want this?"
He chuckles. "Absolutely no hesitation in your response. So eager to become a fucking killer Bella? A killer!"
"I'm not afraid. What I want is you." She brings her hands to his chest and watches as he struggles being so close to her blood. She wants him to taste her again. She wants to see that look on his face again. She wants him to take every ounce of pleasure that she can give him. All that she asks is that he stops before her heart stops, so that they can spend eternity together.
His eyes grow wide and he shakes his head mumbling something to himself. "No, I can't.... taste her? her mind.... God, it's beautiful..." He pulls away, sitting up and put his hands over his face. Bella gasps, realizing. Oh my god... How did he... He's reading her thoughts. He laughs and it sounds wicked, it sounds evil. "I can't just taste you. It's so much more... It would start a sweet frenzy that could make me lose control, so easily Bella."
She is not going to waste this opportunity. She pulls his hands away from his face, rising she puts her forehead against his. She's racing through memories, everything she can think of. Everyone, everything, her wants, her needs, her dreams. God, how may times have she dreamed of him? How many times did she dream of them together with no restraints, no limits. A golden eyed couple amerced in love and having each other to take on forever. She let him see that she is not going into this blind. She doesn't expect perfection. She doesn't expect white picket fences and babies. She expects him in every way, the witty smart gentleman and the hungry beast she see before her now. She claws her fingernails down his chest and looks him in the eyes. Mine.
He grunts, letting go of what he wants and gives into her. Letting her hands roam him, her thoughts provoking him, his hands ripping away her clothing. His fingers dipping behind her panties, twisting and pulling apart the fabric. He slows his movements, trailing a finger between her folds, finding her slick and dripping.
"So wet," he breathes. He eases so slowly into her. Heat. He's wrapped in heat as she writhes under his hand. They both shudder, him at her heat and she at the coolness of his fingers. Soothing any discomfort that might have been. She truly felt no pain. She felt incredible. She wanted more. More. He held his finger still, acclimating himself to the feel of her, gently moving, rocking his fingers before using his thumb to work circles on her clit.
He growls. "Your scent, it's crushing me. Touch me Bella. Fuck, please touch me."
She is lost. Buried in this sensation that is building within her. The velvet tone of his voice uttering the word Fuck drives her crazy. She starts fumbling with the buttons on his jeans, panting and breathless working them down his hips just low enough to feel him her my hand. His erection is incredibly hard yet his skin is soft and pliable. He moans every time she work her hand over the head, swirling his pre cum between her fingertips and rubbing it over him. His fingers are still moving, faster now, more forceful. She clenches around his fingers and holds her breath. Exhaling and making uncontrollable noises as she shakes and moans his name, the euphoria of an orgasms takes over, making her entire body vibrate. Sending her thoughts into bursts of colors.
There were no more words. Just him, just her, just them. Together, right now.
Her hand continues and she can feel his legs begin to shake. She kisses him as hard as she can and uses both of hands to give him this. His body tense, his rippling muscles flexing, he is close.
Please Edward, let go. Just feel me. Just let yourself go, please... come for me. His mouth opens and his growl turns into a purr. His eyes fly open and his stare pierces her. He cries out, strangled yet relieved. His head drops down and he wraps one arm around her, lifting her hand to his mouth.
He places a kiss on her knuckle and whispers, "Forgive me."
There is a moment of complete silence and her breathe catches. He turns her hand over and she watches as his teeth slice into her wrist. An effortless break of skin and a rush of blood, she exhales. She feels no pain. She feels the pressure of his lips, the pulsing of his tongue as he drinks. She can feel a part of herself becoming a part of him. He stops quickly and takes her other wrist, biting and sucking, all the time looking at her face. Watching her, reading her.
All of this, after everything, his control has never been more honed. Three bites, four bites, none of it painful, each one filled with venom, slowly working its way into her blood stream. Each time asking her to forgive him, each time wincing before his teeth mark her forever. Each one filled with love and the promise of a new life together.