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Literature Text
I’ve heard the saying
When one door closes, another opens,
I felt the disconnect and the lock clicked shut
It closed for just a moment
Then opened so hard
That it spun me
I went down in a haze of mixed emotions,
Not over my loss but feeling for you,
My wants mangling each other,
Eating each other alive,
Until there was nothing left
But me
When the tears stopped
and you were there, waiting
I ran toward you
Wanting change, wanting freedom
Embracing an uncertain future
For love
Your eyes were like the ocean
A swirling punch bowl of blue and white,
So inviting in their dance
So severe was the pull of your undertow
That I dove right in
Without a life preserver
Through your door I swam
With a tail like a mermaid
Propelling me face first
Into your warm water embrace,
With a smile
Meant just for you
It wasn’t what I wanted
At the time...
It was unexpected,
It was love laid out at my feet
In a trail of hot sand
That burned my toes
Until you carried me
When one door closes, another opens,
I felt the disconnect and the lock clicked shut
It closed for just a moment
Then opened so hard
That it spun me
I went down in a haze of mixed emotions,
Not over my loss but feeling for you,
My wants mangling each other,
Eating each other alive,
Until there was nothing left
But me
When the tears stopped
and you were there, waiting
I ran toward you
Wanting change, wanting freedom
Embracing an uncertain future
For love
Your eyes were like the ocean
A swirling punch bowl of blue and white,
So inviting in their dance
So severe was the pull of your undertow
That I dove right in
Without a life preserver
Through your door I swam
With a tail like a mermaid
Propelling me face first
Into your warm water embrace,
With a smile
Meant just for you
It wasn’t what I wanted
At the time...
It was unexpected,
It was love laid out at my feet
In a trail of hot sand
That burned my toes
Until you carried me
Literature
Time
Tick-tock goes the clock
I'm lost in time
May I find my way
Embrace my cursed past
Literature
My Door Is Open
They say our eyes
are the windows
to our souls.
With my own shutters
closed for years,
I've always seen things
in another light.
And that's okay.
I live a full life--
it's just that, sometimes,
I ache to know
where an iris leads.
But when I hear you sing,
I forget about windows--
something tells me
our voices
are the doors.
Your songs have taken me
in from the cold.
My door is wide open,
and I will be brave.
I will speak love,
I will sing love,
I will be love.
Literature
A Closet Deep
They're not hiding they were forced
judgement worst
with mumbled retorts
quivering red lips sobbing
muffled rebuttals
It's your fault
for
being
you
that sickness
infecting
you
turn the tumblers of coal
they don't want the world to know
who you are
who you have been with
who you kissed women or men
some are forced in catacombs thick
for their closets are deposits
of
fear and shame
for the hand that closes the door
other hands will open them
for you
ones who warden you
Have already confined themselves to claustrophobic cells.
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Comments26
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Overall Vision Originality
Technique ImpactThis Critique is provided on behalf of #PoeticalCondition
Vision: 5/5
You clearly had a set idea for this poem and followed through with it. It also helps that the contest kind of picked the topic for you! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Wink)"/> But you still clearly knew how you wanted to write this piece and it shows. Well done. Originality: 4.5/5
I will never in a million years give a love based poem a full five stars, has nothing to do with your abilities. However, I gave more stars than I normally would here because it was a contest entry in which you had to write on such a topic, so I could not be as Critical of love poems as I usually am! Ha!
Technique: 4/5
I would have loved to see a bit more follow through with italics and a bit of bold lettering to make certain points pop a bit more. You used it well WHEN you used it, but I just don't think you used it quite enough!
Impact: 4.5/4
I was wavering between 4 and 4.5, and decided to go with the higher end here. I definitely felt a stirring of emotion from this poem but it didn't quite tug at my heart-strings as much as I wanted it to. <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/x/_/x…" alt="
" title="X-All-The-Y" /> INCLUDE ALL THE EMOTIONS!Sorry, tiny bit hyper, just slammed a cup-a-joe!
Alas I digress, this was still a wonderful piece, you are definitely a poet that inspires me! I hope to see more from you, and I hope this piece wins the contest! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>