literature

tattooed

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prettyflour's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

a trail of tattoos
erupt from my fingertips
and wrap themselves around you
I want to paint you
with colors I created
and stain your skin with my lips
Day three of HaikuWriMo

Format: Choka

Got any tattoos?
© 2014 - 2024 prettyflour
Comments67
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Aaron-Jay's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Upon reading this poem, I'd say you are naturally gifted in the ways of verse. Mind you, people who have natural talent usually get lost in the crowd of all the poets that want to get published out there. You need to find a way to rise above all of those other people and soar higher.

While this piece is amazing, it has some elements that are seen in a lot of poems. Love being a tattoo that is etched into skin. The way you did it though, was SUPURB, but reach deeper inside yourself and write exactly what you are feeling. The best poems ever made are the ones that are covered in emotion. Never be afraid to write about your pain, pleasure or failures.

I like the format you have chosen, but I feel this poem can be a lot longer. Maybe if you were to stretch this piece to a nice couple more stanza's the originality and technique elements would disappear, but despite it all, this reads nicely. The line" I want to paint you with colors" is a strong statement and where you put it and how you put it makes those words the strongest in your piece.

I hope I have been helpful