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I'm prettyflour from :iconpoeticalcondition: here to off a critique since you entered this piece into the 'critique me' folder.

I want to start by saying that I love the mix you've mixed physical intimacy with consumerism. You've melded the two together seamlessly- they dance around each other creating some really great imagery- especially these lines:

~~Later, as we are still, there comes reckoning,
the empty bank between my shoulders, a robbery,
there were your eyes like a holdup, and my stomach
wrinkled like an vacant purse. I note the credit used
and spent between my legs~~

If I have any criticism it would be the very last line. It fell a bit flat for me. I would have loved to see more... power there. A more powerful phrase perhaps.

Overall, I very much enjoyed this. I think the imagery is wonderful. The FEEL of the entire piece was really nice- it flowed well. Great job!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.


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